Unfuck Yourself - Gary John Bishop

Brief Personal Take

Reading this one started out a little slow for me but it became pretty interesting as I went on reading starting right around the “You got this” chapter going forward. I bumped on this book while looking for a book on business, but its title just caught my eye. Because it’s only a hundred pages long, I ended up reading it instead, and I’m glad I did. 

It’s a motivational book which from the words of the author “is a conversational slap from the universe to wake you up to your true potential...” Its topics are geared to change the way you view life from inside out. The biggest lesson I took here is that you’re never going to

always feel like doing what you know you’re supposed to be doing, so you need to train yourself to relentlessly act, even when you’re not “feeling” it. It’s the only way to get forward, act.

I tried to get all the notes I could so you don’t miss out on anything important because it’s a really good book. 

Happy reading.

 

 

Chapter 1 – In the Beginning

·        “This is a conversational slap from the universe to wake you up to your true potential, to unfuck yourself and get spectacularly into your life.”

·        Negative self-talk can not only put us in a bad mood, it can leave us feeling helpless. It can make small problems seem bigger – and even create problems where none existed before. Here’s the breaking news, your-self talk is fucking you over and in ways you can’t even begin to imagine.

·        “If human emotions largely result from thinking, then one may appreciably control one’s feeling by controlling one’s thoughts – or by changing the internalized sentences, or self-talk, with which one largely created the feeling in the first place”.

·        The harder you tell yourself how hard something is, the harder it will actually seem. The way we talk doesn’t only affect us in the moment. It can seep into our subconscious and become internalized, changing our thoughts and behavior in the long-term.

·        Changing this all starts by making a conscious choice to talk in a way that’s helpful rather than harmful.

·        How we talk, think about, and therefore perceive our surroundings is the very foundation for our reality. Create the reality you want to live in by beginning the process of having the kind of conversations, (with yourself and others), that actually shape that reality.

·        You create your own reality by shifting your self-talk from being a streaming narrative (where you talk about yourself, others and life, a dialog of opinion and judgment), to being assertive, where you cast all of the default “noise” aside and asset your power right here and now... There is a massive difference between, “I am relentless” and, “I will be relentless”.

 

 

Chapter 2 – “I am Willing”

·        Stop blaming luck. Stop blaming other people. Stop pointing to outside influences or circumstances.

·        If you’re not willing to take the actions to change your situation – in other words, if you’re willing to put up with your situation – then whether you like it or not, that is the life you have chosen.

·        By defending your circumstances as they are right now, you are actually making a case for being where you are. Give it up.

·        Circumstances don’t make the man; they only reveal him to himself.

·        In short are you willing to stop living the life you have and start living the life you’re after? It all begins with the emergence of willingness...

·        We often view ourselves as procrastinators or lazy or unmotivated. When in reality, we’re simply unwilling. We put things off or avoid them completely because we tell ourselves we just don’t want to do it or that we can’t do it.

·        “Where the willingness is great, the difficulties cannot be great.”

·        Maybe in fact unwilling, sometimes declaring your unwillingness can be just as powerful as declaring willingness. Only when you’re unwilling to continue just simply existing, feeling unsatisfied and unfulfilled, will you make the effort necessary to make a change. At times there is no greater motivation to change than the unwillingness to do “this” any longer. Which one works for you currently? I am willing or I am unwilling?

·        Most of the time, the task we’re actually facing is a lot simpler than we think it is. The problem is, we usually don’t take the time to really look at it. Some of the things we face certainly can be challenging, but at the same time what’s on the other side of those challenges is a life of our dreams.

·        When you start to view the world through the lens of what you’re willing and unwilling to pursue, rather than what it seems you want and don’t want, things start to become a lot clearer. Instead of wasting time worrying about the things other people have, you’ll start focusing on what’s really important to you and your life.

·        You’ll realize that when you’re willing to do what it takes, nothing else matters. You won’t put off the things you’re truly willing to do. You won’t neglect the responsibilities you took on because you will feel a strong sense of willingness to do them.

·        Willingness. It’s the lifeblood of the new, the infinite will of possibility and potential, a state where new futures arise and a whole new you can begin.

 

 

Chapter 3 – “I am Wired to Win”

·        You see, our thoughts are so powerful that they are constantly pushing you toward your goals, even when you don’t realize what those goals actually are! You are wired to win.

·        You are always winning because your brain is wired to. The trouble comes when what you really want – on a subconscious level – and what you say you want are different, sometimes radically so.

·        “The happiness of your thoughts depends upon the quality of your thoughts. Therefore, guard accordingly, and take that you entertain no notions unsuitable to virtue and reasonable nature.”

·        Remember, when you explore and discover what you it is you’ve really been winning at, it’s not about fighting against or resisting those thoughts and actions but rather changing direction and setting yourself new goals and outcomes.

·        When you have set out the goals that you are claiming as yours in life and, more importantly, relentlessly taking the actions to produce, it’s only a matter of when.

·        Step out there. Trust yourself; give yourself fully to your vast capacity for victory. Set yourself the challenge of winning in new and exciting ways. Demand your greatness of yourself and repeat after me: “I am wired to win”.

 

 

Chapter 4 – “I Got This”

·        “Everyone has their problems, and life isn’t always perfect. It never will be.”

·        The thing is, the negative experiences we have rarely stay contained to that one issue. They spread. Like a toxic chemical, they seep into all aspects of our lives. That little mess can influence all areas of your life until your emotions surrounding that one area become the lens through which you see everything.

·        To deal with this we need to shift how we view our problem and the world and adopt a new, powerful, and optimistic and grounded approach.

·        Take the time to think about all the memorable experiences from your life. Would you trade any of them for anything?

·        But don’t just limit it to the sugary goodness either. Think about the bad, too. Recall all the times where you struggled, suffered setbacks, or got knocked down. The arguments, the breakups, the speeding tickets, or the late bills. Remember all the problems you faced and eventually overcame. A lot of them may be similar to what you’re dealing with today. You probably felt a lot of the same emotions back then too. You thought you’d never get over your ex, that you’d never rind a better job, or that you wouldn’t live through the humiliation of some situation. But you did. You rised up and kicked on and, looking back, some of those problems might even seem a little silly now.

·        Now that you’ve traveled to the end of the track in one direction, it’s time to turn around and head the other way. Your future.

·        There are reams of untapped potential and opportunity waiting in your future... The future can have great things in store for you.

·        There will be trials and tribulations, disappointments, defeats, fights, and fears.

·        But you’ll get through it all, the good and the bad, just like you did in the past. You’ll stand there like the champion you are because they’re all just another passing scene in the movie that is your life story.

·        Face your problems as they come, one by one, give them the attention they need and move on. Remember, everything is solvable, and if you can’t see a solution, it only means you haven’t worked it out yet.

·        I get this doesn’t mean you have the perfect solution. It just means you have your hands on the wheel, you have a say in this just like you’ve had a say all along. I mean come on, you live for this shit.

·        Look at your track record, you’ve really got this! You’ll make it work, just like you always have. You did it then and you got it now.

 

 

Chapter 5 – “I Embrace the Uncertainty”

·        Our obsession with certainty can be tragic and unproductive for 2 reasons: First, uncertainty is where the new happens. It’s your personal pathway to opportunity. It’s the environment in which you grow, experience new things and produce new, unprecedented results.

·        “The desire for safety stands against every great and noble enterprise.”

·        Success is never certain, It never comes without risk. Even if you’re the smartest person or the hardest working, there’s no guarantee of anything. The people who go on to do great things in their lives know this. They also embrace it.

·        “In any moment of decision, the best thing you can do is the right thing, the next best you do is the wrong thing, and the worst thing you can do is nothing.”

·        Missing the target isn’t the worst thing you can do. Not taking the shot is.

·        The successful people didn’t succeed because they were certain they were going to succeed, they succeeded because they didn’t let uncertainty stop them. They did it anyway.

·        The funny thing is, no matter how much you chase certainty, you’ll never really be able to hold it or retain it.

·        Nothing is certain, you could go to sleep and never wake up. You could get in your car and never make it to work. Certainty is a complete illusion.

·        Like plenty of other things in our lives, part of our aversion to uncertainty comes from our fear of being judged by others.

·        If we push our limits and try new things, maybe we’ll fail. People will think we’re a “failure”.

·        “If you want to improve, be content to be thought foolish and stupid.”

·        You’re never going to achieve your true potential if you’re hooked by what other people think. In fact, you could change your life overnight if you simply abandon the notion that other opinions matter. Life goes on, opinion-heavy, or opinion-lite.

·        Remember all the successes, all the experiences, all the things you’ve always dreamed of, are waiting for you in uncertainty. Sure, you may still be nervous about what will happen, but you’ll also be hopeful and excited at the prospect of what may come.

·        Life is an adventure. It’s filled with opportunity. But it’s up to you to embrace those opportunities fully and completely in all of their majestic, unnerving, and invigoration uncertainty.

 

 

Chapter 6 – “I am Not my Thoughts; I am What I do”

·        You are not defined by what’s inside your head. You are what you do. Your actions.

·        As I constantly say to my clients, you don’t have to feel like today is your day; you just have to act like it is.

·        When you focus your attention on the action at hand, eventually your consciousness starts to get the idea.

·        By challenging our thoughts with actions and exposing ourselves to the situation we resist, we train our brain to see the world more cognitively. We get accustomed to living life “as is” rather than how we think it is.

·        “Inaction breeds doubt and fear. Action breeds confidence and courage. If you want to conquer fear, do not sit home and think about it. Go out and get busy.”

·        Simply put, when we act, we just don’t have time for anything else. It’s hard to focus on internal worrying and naysaying when you’re busy getting things done. That road that looked so long and intimidating before starts to blur as you speed across it.

·        The point is, positive thinking isn’t a predictor of accomplishment any more than negative thinking indicates failure.

·        It’s all about taking action. Going out there, doing it, and taking all your bullshit along for the ride. It’s never going to get any better, any easier, or any more understandable.

·        “Action may not bring happiness, but there is no happiness without action.”

·        You could be the smartest person in the room but it doesn’t mean a thing if you don’t take action.

·        Eventually we’d all like to have better, more positive thoughts. But sitting there isn’t going to make it happen.

 

 

Chapter 7 – “I am Relentless”

·        “Our biggest successes are born out of discomfort, uncertainty, and risk.”

·        The greater the degree of discomfort you experience, the greater the sense of personal accomplishment that comes after.

·        And that’s why great accomplishments are so rare. Because most people don’t like being uncomfortable.

·        Anytime you’re working to achieve something, you’re going against the current. Often the opinion of the people around you is trying to push and pull you away from your destiny.

·        Relentlessness often comes when the only thing you have left is relentlessness. When it seems all is lost and all hope and evidence for success has long since vanished, relentlessness is the fuel that drives you through.

·        Relentlessness is the bodybuilder who goes to the gym for hours every day. Relentlessness is the prospective entrepreneur who has been ridiculed or rejected for their completely original idea but keeps pitching it anyway. Relentlessness is the overweight mom who feels like she’s never going to get there. Relentlessness is the newly minted college graduate at the bottom of the cooperate ladder barely making enough to pay her rent and yet staying at the office later than anyone else just to learn as much as she can. Relentlessness is you.

·        Anyone who has ever gone to the gym knows that the results aren’t immediate. You don’t spend 30 minutes on the treadmill and look like a new person.

·        But that doesn’t mean what you’re doing isn’t working. You’re making progress. With each exercise, each step, each movement, each action, you get a little better, a little closer.

·        Until one day you look in the mirror and think, “wow!”

·        Because when you’re trekking through the jungle, you don’t know if you’re 3 days from civilization or 30 minutes. All you can do is walk. The only way out is forward.

 

 

Chapter 8 – “I expect Nothing and Accept Everything”

·        “Stop doing all that shit you now you shouldn’t be doing and start doing all the shit you now you should be doing.”

·        You, like everybody else, are weighed down by expectation.

·        Any place where you’re just not yourself if you look at these places long enough, you’ll see the reality of that area of your life is some way short of the scenario you had anticipated in your mind’s eye.

·        If you have upset in your marriage, you’ll see a gap between your expectation between how it was “supposed” to be and how it in fact is. For others, it might be your finances, your weight loss, new job, etc.

·        It’s so much more effective to simply take things as they present themselves, to live in the moment (like there’s another moment you could live in) and solve issues and as they arise, than to constantly expect.

·        Remember you can always change something when you can take ownership and responsibility for it. Sometimes it’s the single most effective way of resolving your “staff”. Own it!

·        Don’t seek to have events as you wish but wish them to happen as they happen, and all will be well with you.

·        When you do something positive or generous, do it because you genuinely want to rather than loading in the added weight of what you expect in return.

·        The game of tit for tat only hurts you both in the long run.

 

 

Chapter 9 – Where Next?

·        I’ve given you 7 personal assertions:

1.    “I am willing”

2.    “I am wired to win”

3.    “I got this”

4.    “I embrace the uncertainty”

5.    “I am not my thoughts; I am what I do”

6.    “I am relentless”

7.    “I expect nothing accept everything”

 

·        Each of them plays into a theme. You may not immediately see it, but it’s there.

·        If you want your life to be different, you have to make it happen. All of the thinking, or meditating or planning or anti-anxiety medication in the world isn’t going to improve your life if you’re not willing to go out and take action and make changes.

·        Here’s the thing, future you is not going to regret a lack of achievement or the absence of any one thing in your life. The only thing you’ll regret is not trying. Not striving. Not pushing through when the going got tough.

·        If you’re truly ready to change your life, to take hold of that freedom you’ve been missing, there are 2 things you need to do:

1.    Stop doing what you’re currently doing

2.    Start taking action to propel you forward

 

·        If you can’t even stop watching TV long enough to get your life together, you obviously don’t want to change. That’s basic shit. It’s the bare minimum, to be honest.

·        You’ve also got to put in the work and build the positive habits that will push you in the right direction.

·        Take time to deliberate, but when the time for action comes, stop thinking and go in.

·        All the assertions play into that. You are willing to take action and to embrace the uncertainty comes along with it.

·        Relentlessly taking action, pushing your goals, acting and failing, and ultimately succeeding.

·        You are not your thoughts. You are your actions. You are what you do.

·        And your actions are the only thing separating you from where you are and where you want to be.